


When She Cries

by erisahrogue



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Around Day 7/8 ish, Emotions, F/M, Feels, I actually don't write angst often so forgive me, I cried writing this, Luciel is struggling with feelings, MC is a sad bean who needs love', MC is being ignored by Seven, MC/Luciel, MC/Saeyoung, MC/Seven, MM, Probably need more tags but oh well, Rated M cause I'm a panicky person, Reader is Main Character (Mystic Messenger), Suicidal MC, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal part isn't like a main theme, angsty, but its there for warning purposes, lots of crying and upset people, mostly about emotions and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:40:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erisahrogue/pseuds/erisahrogue
Summary: Seven and MC are stuck in the apartment and Seven is giving her the cold shoulder. MC tries to pretend that she is still positive and happy like she always is in the chatroom... but things aren't always that simple.Literally just something I thought of late at night when listening to music and I realized MC is always positive and cheerful and.. well... what if MC is just as depressed as Seven, but also as kind?I can't summarize, but it's just my own drabbling and writing.Rated M just cause I'm paranoid
Relationships: 707 | Choi Luciel & Main Character, 707 | Choi Luciel/Main Character
Comments: 9
Kudos: 215
Collections: Mystic Messenger, Mystic messenger





	When She Cries

“MC? MC?” His voice traveled around the apartment, and the panic rose in his chest. Where was she? He’d told her not to bother him, but before she’d still tried talking to him and even brought him snacks. Little things like crackers and chips, but this time there’d been nothing. At first he had assumed she just left him alone finally and gave up, which both squeezed his chest with guilt and relieved him that he could stop watching the hope and affection she held in her eyes when she looked at him shatter into pieces over and over again. But there was nothing. She wasn’t anywhere to be seen in the living area or the kitchen. 

He tried to open the bathroom door but it was locked. “MC are you in there?” The sniffle on the other end of the door was so faint he almost thought he imagined it. “Open the door.” He didn’t know why he insisted on it. Now he knew where she was. He could relax again and get back to work. Leaving for too long could pose to be dangerous, but he just had to see her face. See her and be certain that she was okay. She didn’t open the door, and he repeated his banging and question. When she still didn’t respond, he found himself taking off the doorknob and forcing the door open, only to be met with the single most heartbreaking sight he could ever witness. 

Seven wished it was the tears in her eyes that had clawed at his heart and squeezed it for all that it was worth. He didn’t think he had ever seen a frown on MC’s face, never-the-less obviously tear-streaked cheeks and eyes glistening with the tears that just didn’t stop. The only thought he had was that he had done this to her, and he would only hurt her more because he had to protect her. From the agency. From his brother. From himself.

Still, the pain of knowing that she had locked herself in the bathroom to cry all by herself was but a candle in comparison to her reaction to him barging in unannounced to her crying session. The way her tear-streaked cheeks were causing her puffy eyes to squint as she gave him the biggest smile she could possibly manage looked wrong on her face. “S-Seven.” Even her voice held a forced cheerfulness that rubbed him wrong. Her hands moved quickly to wipe the tears away from her face, tears that he had caused, that he wished to desperately will away with soft words and a warm embrace. Those thoughts were shoved forcefully from his mind. “I was just thinking about how sad it was that Jumin is always coming up with more cat businesses that Jaehee has to work on.” 

Even her lies were painful to listen to. The way she spoke to mask her tears, despite how clearly they presented themselves on her face. The way her eyes were looking right at him, silently begging him to go along with her blatant lie. He almost found himself breaking in his resolve to keep his distance from her. She stood quickly and walked right past him out of the bathroom, already in a cheery speech about how important it was for him to eat if he was taking a break like he needed to, and that she’d prepare them something to eat. 

That expression. That face. It was seared into his mind. He sat in front of his computer staring at it blankly. She was always so kind and understanding. Always so trusting of him no matter the situation. While he never doubted her trust in him, he always found it was quite the opposite. She trusted him too much for knowing him for such a short amount of time. That they had only spoken a couple of times in the chatroom. How had that created such strange feelings in his chest? Why did she have to be so thoughtful and kind?  _ Why did she have to smile at me like that? Like she didn’t want to upset me even though she was clearly the one in pain? _ He could hear her moving about in the kitchen area. Was she crying as she moved about in there? How many times had she cried holding onto the screen during their conversations in the chatroom before he arrived?

“You.. said that what you do for the agency is dark and filthy…” Her voice held no trace of her earlier distress. It was soft. Kind. As it always had been. “None of that changes how I see you, Seven. You came all the way here for my safety despite the fact that the agency is chasing after you now. You’re either someone who likes the thrill of the chase, or someone extremely kind… who worries more about others than his own self.”  _ You’re telling me this? You, who is a ray of sunshine in this dark world? _

“Don’t get the wrong idea.” His voice sounded foreign to his own ears. “I already said it before. I caused this mess so I’m cleaning it up. It was my fault you got into this kind of danger in the first place so-”

“So it’s your responsibility to get me out?” She cut him off, and he glanced over to look at her. She was much closer than he’d expected her to be, and her eyes were full of unspoken questions and that underlying pain that he knew he’d put there. He wanted nothing more than to grab her in his arms and tell her jokes until she stopped looking at him with such a sad expression. “What if… what if I just leave?” Her words were so sudden and surprisingly certain that he couldn’t maintain his carefully crafted expression any longer.  _ Leave? You can’t go! You’ll be traced immediately! And if they come after you… the agency… anyone… the things they’ll do to you… I can’t let that happen. _

“That won’t solve anything. Stay put. Go sit down and stop moving. You’re interrupting my work.” No. She had to stay where he could see her. The mere thought of her leaving caused his heart to race in his chest and his thoughts were muddled with panic. All sorts of horrible images of her in dangerous places with dangerous people entered his mind. He had to protect her. And only once he was certain she was safe could he disappear. Try to save his brother. Deal with the agency. 

“Seven… thank you…” He blinked, once more thrown off by her voice. “I don’t… My protection… I…” She didn’t finish her words, mumbling something he couldn’t catch from how far away she was. He decided now was as good as any to resume his work and ignore her. He couldn’t let himself get sidetracked just because she was crying. He was going to make her cry more if he didn’t shut down her attachment to him quickly and fed it instead of killing it. 

He worked through the night, desire to keep MC safe being damn near his only motivation to keep him going. While he noticed, and drank, the Ph.D Pepper that “magically” appeared at his side every now and again, he also found himself worrying about if she was getting enough to eat or if she was getting enough rest. She hadn’t slept much the night before, instead chatting him up as often as she possibly could find an excuse to. And from what he could tell judging from the circles that were beginning to form under her eyes, she still hadn’t gotten much rest. “...Seven….?” He would have ignored her, but the tone in her voice had his head turning worriedly before he could stop himself. She was staring at him with those big eyes of hers, unshed tears ready to spill over at any moment. “Were our conversations… really pointless to you? Am I… pointless? Was I a distraction from the stress from your work?” He hated the words that were leaving her mouth almost as much as he hated the look in her eyes as she stared at him - no,  _ through _ him - as though his answer would break her. 

“You can put it like that if you want.”  _ No! No you weren’t! Don’t tell yourself such things, MC! _ His brain was protesting at his own coldness. His heart sunk when she smiled at him, a tear slipping past the barrier and down her cheek. The need to comfort her was overwhelming, and he shut his eyes tightly, reminding himself that this was necessary.  _ I’m so sorry, MC. I don’t want to hurt you. I hate seeing you so sad… This is my fault. I did this to you. _ He hadn’t kept fantasy and reality separate and now he was forced to deal with the consequences.

“I’m glad that I could help you that much at least.” Even though she was crying again, he could tell the smile was real.  _ How can you smile at me like that? _ She was curled on the couch, knees to her chest with her hands wrapped around them. “I think… it would have been better for everyone if I never met you. All my being here has done is cause you trouble. Because of me showing up, you are being chased by your agency since you felt obligated to fix the mess I created. Because of my arrival, you have such a distressed look on your face. Because of me…” He didn’t want to hear her blame herself anymore. His mouth opened but she spoke first. “Because of me you’re here in an apartment that has a bomb that could go off if it’s hacked again and could kill you. You’re in danger because you came to protect me…”

The words echoed in his head. This entire time he hadn’t been able to figure out why she wasn’t more upset with him. Why did she trust him so much despite being in such a dangerous situation? Why was she so calm about there being a bomb in the apartment she’d been staying in for the past few days alone? It was almost laughable, though his chest was so tight it was unbearable. He could feel the pressure building up in his own eyes, and forced himself to focus on his computer screen instead of the broken look on her face.  _ Why do you have to worry about me more than yourself? Do you not value your life? Or do you just value mine more than your own? You shouldn’t. I’m just a nobody. _

It was about an hour before he finally had to give in to check on her, since she’d become oddly silent. She was sleeping on the couch, curled up in a ball so peacefully, despite the dried tears on her cheeks.  _ This is for the best. _ He reminded himself, though watching her torment herself over her own thoughts was stabbing into his ability to focus on the task at hand. Things were so much more complicated than he had ever imagined. It would have been fine to stay talking in the chatroom with her as they had been. Not really close but not distant either. A fake online presence. But still, she insisted on getting to know him.  _ All of those phone conversations… Can I really say they’re fake? Would she believe that none of it was real at all?  _

Seven got up from his uncomfortable position on the floor and grabbed a nearby throw blanket, gently setting it on top of MC’s sleeping figure. He knew better, but he took a moment to appreciate the girl lying so peacefully on the couch. She said she trusted him. Even when the hacker turned out to be his own twin brother, even though his heart had dropped and his mind was so clouded with panic that he couldn’t even think when he saw MC in the hands of the one responsible for all of this. She had trusted him. She’d not had a doubt in his abilities at all. Instead she put the blame on herself for him being at the apartment in danger with her. “MC…” He whispered, brushing a couple of strands of her hair away from her face. “It’s so hard to watch you like this. If only I could hold you like you want me to. Like I want to.” She stirred at his voice. His entire body was tense, frozen in place as if she would break should he touch her. When she remained asleep, he relaxed, moving back to his laptop to resume his work. 

The familiar sound of his own typing echoed in the apartment, and he knew that he should feel comforted by the sound, the one he knew so well, but he was hardly focused. Even now, even though she was but ten feet away from him, he found himself getting lost in thought and typing her name in his code.  _ Stupid! Mistake. I can’t leave traces of her. _ He would only be putting her in more danger. The ringing of his phone startled him, the caller ID showing the familiar photo of Elly. “Hello, Jumin. How is my darling Elly~” His voice didn’t match his feelings. 

“Her name is Elizabeth the 3rd, not Elly.” Jumin’s familiar sigh on the other end of the phone was more of a comfort than the binary code running on the screen. “Anyways, that is not what I called to talk about. Have you heard from V?” The name reminded him that he had someone he was waiting for answers from. Last he’d heard about Saeran…. _ I can’t think of him right now. MC is in danger because I couldn’t focus and get all of my work done! Gah! Focus, Seven! _

“No. I still can’t reach him.” He glanced over to MC, just to make sure that she was okay. Even now he couldn’t help but look at her every couple of seconds to make sure that she was still breathing, that she was fine. When he wasn’t looking at her sleeping face, he saw the image of her in the bathroom on the floor, curled up into a ball and actively smiling at him with rivers streaming down her face, which only fueled him to check on her once more to make sure that she didn’t have that look on her face once more. 

“Have you considered my offer to send bodyguards to you and MC? I am worried about you two.” His voice was just as calm as usual, though Seven knew that it was rare for Jumin to sound anything but business-like. He was good at keeping his emotions in line, unlike himself. “I understand the location of the apartment is classified, and we are lucky that MC even agreed to keep the location a secret, as she could have shared it at any time if she really wanted and no one could stop her, but this is putting both yourself and her at risk.”

“Oh… right…” Seven was almost relieved when the doorbell rang. “Sorry, I have to go. The guy who is repairing the window is here.” He hung up without giving Jumin a chance to answer, checking the CCTV once more to confirm that it was simply Mr. Kim who was coming. He woke up MC, shaking her shoulder gently. “The window repair guy is here. Go deal with him. I have to get back to work.”

She slowly blinked up at him, immediately smiling once her eyes met his. He looked away, unable to keep eye contact with such an expression. Why couldn’t she just hate him? Why did she have to blame herself and care for him as much as she did? It was only going to hurt her in the end! “Okay… thank you for waking me up, Seven.” She sat up, the blanket falling from her body. “Oh… did you…?” Her eyes glimmered with the unspoken question. 

“You looked cold. If you get sick you won’t be able to attend the party and everyone is looking forward to meeting you.” He looked away again. “Don’t think anything of it. I already told you that I won’t have a personal relationship with you. Now that you’re up, go deal with the window.” If he stayed this close to her much longer then he wasn’t sure he could keep his cold demeanor up for very much longer. Not with the way her eyes burned enough to melt the ice caps of Antarctica with one look. 

“Right… I’m sorry.” She smiled again. “I won’t bother you anymore, don’t worry. I won’t burden you anymore.” The words were so light, but the look on her face made him want to grab her and pull her close and wipe the tears away. He left her to handle the repair of the window, occasionally glancing over to watch her laugh at a joke that Mr. Kim said while he worked, or the way her eyes briefly lit up when he had told her that she had such a pretty smile.  _ Yes she does. Such a cute smile. _ She was so cute! And everything that made her so cute… he was slowly tainting with his filth. Even her smile around him became tainted with an underlying sadness. 

He paid the guy and watched him leave, ignoring his comments about throwing things. Part of him felt angry that the guy would ever think he’d do something like that to MC. Throwing things because he got angry with her? He wouldn’t ever do anything to put her in even more danger than she was already in. He was trying to protect her. He… “MC?” He had thought she was right next to him, but her presence was gone. Fear struck him like a splash of icy water to the face. Not again. “MC?” He checked everywhere in the apartment, even the bathroom, but she wasn’t there.  _ She couldn’t have been kidnapped, right? She’s fine. She’s.. _ His hands were pressing the digits to her number, phone tucked between his chin and shoulder while his fingers moved rapidly across the keys, checking the CCTV only to see that she had left.

“Where are you?” He couldn’t believe that she had just left the apartment when she was in such danger. She was confused on the other end of the phone, and he felt his frustration building up. Did she not understand the gravity of the situation? He scolded her on the phone, knowing that was only a fraction of what he’d do once she returned. As soon as he saw her on the CCTV he hopped from his place on the ground and was at the door in two strides. The doorknob rattled, and he grabbed her wrist and dragged her inside. “How could you be so stupid? Do you not understand the danger that you’re in?”

Her brows furrowed as she looked at him. “It’s fine, Seven. I trus-”

“Don’t say that!” He yelled, hands clenched into fists. He nearly slammed it against the wall next to her head, but he restrained himself. The worry in her eyes overrode her confusion. “Why do you trust me so much? We barely know each other! It’s only been, what, a week since you joined the RFA? Do you even really know me enough to say you trust me? I’m  _ dangerous _ , MC. If I’m not careful then you can be killed. You’re in a lot of danger right now! You can’t just leave the apartment without me like that!”

“Are you serious?” Tears built in her eyes, the fire burning inside her own matching the feeling he held inside perfectly. “You’ve done nothing but ignore or insult me this entire time and now I can’t even leave the apartment to go to the convenience store right across the street?” A small finger jabbed itself into his chest. “Of course I trust you, Seven! I trust you so much that even if it turns out this apartment blows up with me inside it that’s fine with me! I feel  _ safe _ with you! But if I die because it’s too much… then that’s fine too.” Her anger dissipated with those words, that damned smile back on her face. Soft. Kind. Forgiving. “You’re not the only one who was hiding behind a screen, Luciel.”

He was at a loss for words.  _ Did she really just say she was okay if she died? _ He blinked, that pressure behind his eyes once more coming up to cause problems. “Don’t say that.” His voice cracked. “MC… don’t say that you’re fine with dying. Don’t say that to me.”  _ A world without you? I don’t… I can’t live in that. I know what I say and what I feel contradict each other. But dammit, MC… _ He reached up, his palms against her cheek and fingers digging into her skin, the intensity of his feelings coming off in the pressure on her skin. “You have to be  _ safe _ . Do you understand?”

“No. I don’t. Because being safe means not being around you, right? I don’t want to watch you disappear and act like nothing ever happened, Seven. Do you ever consider how I feel?” He dropped his hands from her cheeks, glaring at her. 

“I don’t care about your feelings, alright?!”  _ Dammit! That’s not what I wanted to say. MC don’t… misunderstand.. _ It was too late, though. One blink and her unshed tears dripped down her cheek slowly. The more the tears came, the more she smiled. “Stop doing that!” His hand went to his face, the look driving him to the brink of insanity. “Stop smiling when you cry! Are you dumb?”

She swallowed, though her smile remained plastered onto her crying face. “I’m sorry. I.. I said I wouldn’t bother you anymore, but when I cry or look sad, you look upset… so I told myself.. I wouldn’t… be sad around you anymore… I’m sorry.” She reached up and wiped her cheeks, the sleeve of her long black undershirt sliding down enough for him to see the fresh scars running across her skin. Dried blood splotching along the lines. “I’m nothing but a pain for you, I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry my feelings trouble you, Seven. I’ll try to do better. Don’t be upset anymore.”

“Your arm.” He grabbed it before she could hide it from him. He swallowed the lump growing in his throat, carefully pulling down her sleeve more to reveal the scars, old and new. Air left his lungs, his heart chipping another piece of itself off in the process.  _ Is this… because of me? _ The question in his eyes mixed with his horror and guilt at the thought. MC… the always cheerful and happy MC. The one who had gone along with all of his pranks and his silly ideas. The girl who called him God Seven and who trusted him with her life…. Who smiled the more she cried.... “Are you hurting yourself?” Her silence drew his attention from her arm to her face. She wasn’t looking at him, bangs covering her eyes. “MC.” His stern voice still didn’t receive any reaction. “Please look at me.”

A turtle moved faster than her head as it turned to face him. The happy shimmer in them was dulled, full of fear. Was she… afraid of him? She was scared to look at him because of the marks on her skin? “Why?” He breathed the question, and she flinched. “Why would you hurt yourself like this?” He was desperate for an answer. “Is this because of me? Is this my fault? You shouldn’t hurt yourself just because I said I won’t have a personal relationship with you!” Had he hurt her so much that she’d resorted to hurting herself?  _ Have I tainted you more than I thought? Please tell me, MC. _

Her lips parted, but no words left them. For a moment they simply stared at each other, his eyes desperately searching her face for answers and hers lifeless. “ _ I hate myself because I keep hurting you. I can’t let my feelings go so you push me away more and it hurts you and I hate myself.” _ He didn’t realize he was crying until her small thumbs brushed away the liquid falling down his cheeks. “Don’t cry, Seven. Please. I’m sorry.” She was the one apologizing now? No… she’d been apologizing since the start. Always telling him she was sorry. Trying to give him his space to work, but occasionally wanting attention and answers. 

“Don’t hurt yourself anymore.” He demanded, voice low but firm. “Dammit, MC. Don’t hurt yourself on my account. I’m not worth it!”

"Dammit Seven!" Her fists slammed against his chest, though the strength behind the hit was minimized by her own self control. "I can't be close to you because you won't let me in. I can't leave because you panic and get upset with me. I'm clearly the problem here. Even the members of the RFA said it was because of me that you're distracted from your work. Your life is in jeopardy because of ME. You got behind on the work for the agency because of me. You're here right now because of me. Everything right now is because of me and I can't do anything to make it better for you! I can't do anything but watch you torture yourself! I have to sit and pretend like it doesn't _kill me_ to be shut out and ignored by you! I just want to help you! I want to be the 606 to your 707 and you keep rejecting me over and over again! What more do you want from me?" She was pleading, her fists turned into clutching onto the fabric of his jacket, looking at his desperately hoping for an answer of some sort. 

"I want you to be safe! You're important to me, MC!" He stared right back into her eyes, his own threatening to spill over with more tears. "I just... want you to be safe. I want you to be happy. You can't have that with me." His head dropped down to rest on her shoulder. Logically he knew that he should pull away. That he should continue to push her and keep their distance. But he was so scared that he would push her too far. If she was already hurting herself because of him, he couldn't handle what might happen if he completely destroyed the happiness in her life. The light in her eyes. "Shit..." He caved, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close like he'd wanted to this entire time. "I love you, MC. But I can't... I'm not... I'm not good enough for you."

"Seven I-"

"Don't." He pleaded, not raising his head from her shoulder. "Don't say it, MC. If you say it, I will only break you more. Don't make me hurt you anymore, MC. Please." He swallowed the lump growing in his throat. It was a bile taste in his mouth. She was in so much pain and it was all because of him. He was the one who had pushed her so far off the edge. And yet she still was only concerned with his feelings. She really was an angel, who was much too good for someone like himself. "After all of this is over, I will leave. I'll go after Saeran and I'll disappear. It's best... if you forget me and the RFA entirely.. Live your life to the fullest, okay, MC?"

"I can't do that. It's too late. You have my heart, Seven."

**Author's Note:**

> OH MY GOSH. Why did I write that? I suppose my introduction on this site had to be angst? Which I actually don't write very often? Oh well.


End file.
